Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize