I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
