There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We have started to decorate penises.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
