I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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