part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
