i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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