Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
