I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
