I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
