Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
