Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
