You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
dude i'm inner monologue high
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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