Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
