I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
