You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
