Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
