fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
