he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
