I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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