no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
