Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
