so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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