So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
