i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
