can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
