Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
