you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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