She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
