I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
