I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
well you can't waste a boner
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
