he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
