My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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