things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
