i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
