what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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