Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize