I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
