a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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