The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
