Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I bet he comes in French.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
