Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
