i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
