I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
