She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
