You're my little dorito
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
