I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
