Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
