She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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