I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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