So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
