there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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