nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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