if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
