the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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