apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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