her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
