im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize