Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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