im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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