Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
