come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i will never coherently bang her
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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