Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
