She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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