somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize