If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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