Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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