Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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