So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
