My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
