I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
