Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk

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(303): View more from Colorado

I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed

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(614): View more from Ohio

He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

if you just come over, i will entertain you

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment

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(630): View more from Illinois

Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?

(708): View more from Illinois

Most creative movie date proposition... ever.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper

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(913): View more from Kansas

I'm drunk at 3:28

(816): View more from Missouri

I'm jealous as shit at 3:34

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(613): View more from Ontario

I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .

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(904): View more from Florida

I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it

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