You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
