How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
