mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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