Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
