At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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