Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
