you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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