So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
